Mommy wars?

Ok, so I haven't blogged in a long time. Sometimes I feel like I don't have much to say,  and sometimes I feel like what I do have to say is better shared with people close to me, in person, rather than on a blog.

I had a thought today, though, that I think might be worth a discussion.

The mommy wars? Are they even really a thing? I think maybe they aren't even really a thing.

It could be just that I am surrounded by remarkable women in my life. A fantastic mix of women who run the gammit in life`s choices, and who honest-to-goodness are just doing the best they can and are of great encouragement to the women around them.

I mean, clearly, I'm blessed, because this describes all the women I know well.

A working mom might fantasize about staying in her pj's all day, or a SAHM has a recurring fantasy about getting up in the morning,  putting on some cute, professional clothing,  and leaving the poop/vomit/whining behind for a day. Maybe neither of these moms are actually judging the moms in another category...maybe moms are just doing a very human thing.

What if mothers everywhere,  stay at home, working,  part timers, mothers-to-be, grandmothers, hopeful mothers, whatever mothers....what if all those women are just trying to do the best they can and actually aren't judging the people around them when they imagine their own lives being different?

What if we just assumed that all other women are on our side? I think we would stop being defensive, and stop questioning our own choices (because I believe when we get offended by someone else's comment, it is because we are taking someone else's opinion personally).

Like...say you are a mother who breastfed her children and thought it was a great experience,  and you just want to encourage other mothers to try it too. Does that mean you are, by default, saying formula is poison?

What if, at the end of an exhausting day at home with toddlers, a SAHM flops on the couch and say "man, I really wish I could have my old job back" that means you think working mothers have it easier than you?

I have a fantastic job the allows me to work part time during the part of the year that my hubby travels,  and work lots and lots when he is home. It's awesome.

But...my job, while awesome, is very hard. Stressful, demanding, challenging, there are PEOPLE there that I have to deal with (you know how PEOPLE can be).  My kids,  while the absolute joy of my life, are whiny, demanding, loud, dirty (so so dirty), and have needs that are never satisfied...they need to eat, like multiple times a day, and they leave messes everywhere they go.

Yikes.

So sometimes I think it would be easier if...i had a nanny, or a housekeeper, or I didn't work at all outside the home, or my husband never traveled, or I worked less, or I worked more...etcetera etcetera.

You know what the root of that is? Does it sound like I am judging other moms who have it "easier than me?" It might sound that way, but I think the root of that is actually more like...

DISCONTENTMENT

All the mothers I know love their children and have nothing but love and respect for other women.

We all just get tired. And blessed beyond measure by our children. And maybe we, for a second,  think things would be easier if...<fill in the blank>

Nobody actually thinks that, right? When we are honest we all know we are doing the best we can.

I think the mommy wars only exist in the imaginations of mommies who aren't trusting their own intuition, and aren't confident enough in their own choices to allow others to say what they need to say, and not take it personally.

Mommy wars? Nah.

It's a battle, alright, but it's against a whole 'nother enemy.

Day at the Farm

Hello again...

2 posts in 2 days! WHAAAAATTT?!?!

Thought i would shoot a post out about some of the recent happenings on our family "farm." As some people know, we (Justin, Hunter, Benny and I) own some land a little bit west of town that we call "the farm."  Its real name is Cedar Gap Ranch, because that is the name some former owners gave it.  It is a beautiful 200 acre piece of land that has been used in the past as an orchard (pears and apples), a dairy farm (Hiland Dairy) and apparently was the first place Laura Ingalls Wilder stopped when her family got off the train on their way to Mansfield, MO.  I dont know if that is true or not, but we are directly on the train tracks, and there was an old train depot there at one point...so maybe it is true.

Justin keeps this land to use for hunting and general boy-stuff...tractoring, and whatnot.  We also have some landkeepers, Tim and Keith, who live on the land and help to upkeep it.  They are sort of drifter-types, but are very good helpers, and we really appreciate all they do.

Anyway, we went out to the farm the other day to see some of the progress being made this summer.  Justin and his Grandpa, along with Tim and Keith, have been planning this project to get the cabin newly painted, and to add a bath house, next to the well house. There is no running water to the cabin, but there is electricity.  I was amazed by how much had been done.

To the far left is the well house, then the new bath house, which is a simple portable building on the outside, but has a shower, toilet, sink and water heater inside. Insulated, lighted, very nice (for a bath house). Then to the right is the cabin, which is a cinderblock building with a fireplace, kitchen, beds, etc inside. Like I said, no running water.  Behind the cabin used to stand a large wooden barn, which burned down about 4 years ago in a fire that miraculously did not hurt anyone, but could have easily killed Justin's grandpa who was working on a car inside when some oil leaked out onto a light and caught fire.  Justin was in town getting some tractor parts or something at the time it burned and could see a mushroom cloud.  It was a serious fire.  When I took this picture, I was standing in front of the new barn which matches the other 3 buildings, but is much bigger.

And here you will see the two cutest farmhands ever.  Drinking some Gatorade before we headed out on our adventure.

I saw this leaning against the cabin.  It says "Whoop A$$ stick" and has a picture of a coyote and a wolf on it.  Apparently Tim and Keith were "attacked" by a pack of coyotes or something, and created this as a defense.  This story is highly suspect, but the stick made me laugh.

This is my favorite view at the farm.  It is not a great picture, but we are sitting on top of a hill, at the bottom to the left is a pond, and to the right are a bunch of blackberry bushes.  You can sit up here and see all kinds of wildlife, but usually just a lot of birds flying from one tree to the other. 

At the bottom of the hill, we saw this white horse.  It has a bridle on it, so maybe belonged to someone.  Justin called all the neighbors to see if anyone knew where the horse came from and nobody claimed him.  He looked to be in pretty poor health, which concerns me, so we are having a vet go out there and check on him, letting us know if he needs treatment or perhaps to be put down.  In the meantime, Tim and Keith are looking after him.  If we can get him in better health, we will hopefully find him a new home. This does not happen usually.

Justin and his boys picking blackberries. yum yum.

We found some turtles walking down the trail.  The boys were very excited! This, unlike finding a horse, happens most of the time.  

I hope you enjoyed your little farm tour.  It is such a beautiful place to visit, and we hope that the boys can grow up there learning about the beautiful world we live in.  Now that there is a bathroom out there, I will be more likely to accompany them.

Buh Bye.

The legend of the raccunk

This is a true story...kind of.

One dark and quiet night, I was sleeping soundly in my bed, with the boys all nestled into their beds, when I heard the most dreadful sound.

*mmmmeeeeeeeoooowww*

(Have you ever heard the sound of a cat in distress?)

I looked at the clock and it was 3:30 AM, so I stumbled or of my room and into the living room, thinking "that cat is being attacked by something"

(Sidenote: the last time I heard that sound, I lived with my parents, and went outside to discover their cat about 5 seconds away from being eaten by a fox...No joke. )

Anyway, in my sleepy daze, I opened my backdoor, turned on the light and saw...

A SKUNK!!!

I SCREAMED!!!

THE SKUNK HISSED,

Then the skunk jumped off the porch (a long way down)

I stopped screaming, ran inside, then realized I still hadn't found my cat. She was on the ledge right next to where the skunk was.

Once I got inside, I started thinking. ..

Why didn't that skunk have a stripe?

Do skunks hiss?

Why, oh why, did we not get sprayed by the skunk?

What kind of person sees a skunk and screams? Probably not the best idea ever, to scare a skunk (see above).

Upon further reflection and a few discussions with my trusted advisory team of friends and family, we decided it must be...

A RACCUNK.

ok, I actually think it was a black racoon, that is an actual thing. Wikipedia it.

So, we went to the lake for the 4th of July, and when we came home, the raccunk had definitely been here. The garage was ransacked (or shall I say raccunked) and that darn critter had left MULTIPLE piles of feces right outside my back door. Right by where I screamed and sent him careening off the porch.

The moral of the story? Well, it has three parts:

1) never scream when you see a skunk, you probably won't get as lucky as I did.

2) when you go to the lake, make sure your husband is with you so that he can pick up the unbelievable amounts of raccunk poop. (I actually did do this one right)

3) cats should be armed. Fact.

I sure miss you, blog.

Random Thoughts

I haven't blogged in a while, but just thought I would drop in and record some of my thoughts.

1.  I am very excited because I discovered the app printicular which prints pictures directly from instagram to walgreens.  It is so flipping awesome.  It automatically logs into my instagram account (which i use extremely frequently) and lets me pick the pictures I want to send to my friendly neighborhood walgreens. It prints them on 4x4  photos in less than an hour for $0.39 each.  That is sort of expensive for photo prints, but whatever. I am a very happy customer. There is just something about having printed pictures in your hand that is very awesome.

2. The boys are taking swimming lessons right now at Chesterfield Family Center, they are both doing so well! They love it! We spend a lot of time near water during the summer, and we really wanted to make sure the boys were comfortable around water and that they had basic swimming skills in case one of them fell in accidentally. Total success.

3. Benny is obsessed with candy. He thinks he deserves to eat candy after every meal, and when I told him no the other day, he said "You're not my best friend anymore...people NEED candy!"  I guess I can't argue with him there. If I dont get chocolate when I need it...WATCH OUT PEOPLE!

4.  After swimming lessons last night, I told the boys we would get them an ice cream treat, to which Hunter responded "I need ice cream in a cone, that has a triangle on the bottom and a circle on the top....I do NOT want it to be in the trapezoid shape" I took them to Andy's and got them little sample cones (perfect size for a little kid, by the way) and i got a little scoop in a cup.  He said "See, mommy, yours is a trapezoid, and mine is a triangle with a circle on top!"

5. Back to Benny...if you read my facebook updates, you already know this, but Benny totally potty trained himself.  My general approach to potty training is to not stress about it at all, and not push it.  Well, Benny has been having some issues with diaper rash so I was really trying to encourage him to start using the potty so he didnt have that problem anymore.  Well, Sunday morning, he looked at me and said "mommy, i am going to poop in the potty, then I am going to wear underwear" he then proceeded to go to the bathroom, do his business and request underwear. He has not had an accident since (and it is Friday now).  I guess he is potty trained, as he hasn't even been wearing diapers at night or anything.  The only time he had an accident was when his brother locked him in a closet the other day.  I am not totally sure, but I think that was not really his fault.  I guess his strong-will is good for something. We went to Nakato to celebrate that day, and Hunter told everybody that we were there because his brother pooped in the potty...I am not an expert, but I dont think people really want to hear about that at lunch, right?

So proud of him!

6. Another Benny story...last Saturday we went to the circus, and it was very long (3 hours).  By the end, Benny was getting very sleepy and started his normal (adorable) thumb sucking, playing with my hair thing he does before he falls asleep.  Then, the BMX bikers came out...then the motorcycles...that child perked right up.  At one point, a motorcycle came out on this ramp and jumped super-high into the air, and did a back flip. It was incredible.  Benny was mesmerized, then he looked at me and said "Mommy, I want to be the guy that does that!"  Anybody surprised?

When we got home from the circus, Benny did this.

7. Hunter is really into pirates right now, and has been giving me all kinds of facts about them.  For example "mommy, did you know that captain hook is a bad pirate? i am not a bad pirate, I am a good pirate."

8. Last night, we were driving and saw a few deer in a field eating grass. Hunter said "are we gonna shoot those deers?"  I said "maybe with your daddy, mommy doesnt shoot animals" Hunter said "Ok, we need to find a wild hog to shoot, that would be awesome"  I guess he is living up to his name.

9.  On another note, I have been suffering from some very severe back pain this week.  I went to the doctor and he thought it was kidney stones, but it wasn't, then he thought shingles, which i doubt (but am taking the antivirals anyway). There isn't really a test for shingles, and apparently some people never get a rash, and since i am on the antivirals, i will probably never know for sure.  I think somehow i just pulled a muscle or ligament or something and it has caused extreme pain.  I have been working from home and trying to rest it as much as possible this week.  very thankful for a job that makes that possible. Also thankful for pain killers.

10.  People do this thing on Instagram called TBT, "throw back Thursday" so i was looking through pictures last night to post, and got a little sentimental.  My babies are growing up so fast.  Just a couple of pics I found last night.



July 2010 - Bennys first time at the pool (2 months old)




Easter 2010. Hunter in a suit. (18 months old-ish)

  

January 2009 - Hunters first snow. (4 months old)



OK, that is all I got right now.

Old man costume

I picked out these adorable Easter outfits at my mother-in-law's store The Kids Court. I wanted to dress them coordinating, but not too matchy...so I picked out a sweater vest for Benny with a button down shirt, and a different button down with a button down vest for Hunter. I showed hunter a picture of the outfit I had picked out for him, and the following conversation ensued:

Him: Mommy, is that an old man costume?
Me: no, it's an awesome vest for you to wear for Easter. Don't you like it?
Him: no, it's too big for me, I want to dress up as a ninja turtle for Easter.
Me: you are not dressing as a ninja turtle for Easter.
Him: I don't want to wear an old man costume.

So I showed him a picture of the outfit I picked for Benny.

Him: see, that costume doesn't have buttons.
Me: so do you want to wear a sweater vest like Benny
Him: absolutely, yes.

Ok...

Below is the picture of the old man costume (which I think is really freaking precious, but whatever)

Love

When I first held my four-year-old son, Hunter in my arms, I was consumed with an overwhelming love. A love I couldn't have imagined before I knew it. Almost immediately, the thought occurred to me: God loves this child even more than I do. It was almost impossible for me to grasp that there existed an even deeper, all-consuming love. One that only comes from the Creator of life.

That same God loves Anjalesa more than we do. He cares for her in an all-consuming way that I can not even imagine. Religion can be a legitimate means for some to connect with God, it certainly helps me, but it is not the only way.

God is Love. Where there is Love, there is God.

Anjalesa's life was cut short, by our standards, on February 18, 2013. In the last couple years of her life, she fell in love with my brother Ray, and we all fell in love with her. They were married last May. Any time someone asked me over the past year or so "so...how is your family?" my response always included Anjalesa. She completed a puzzle. She brightened a room. She is Loved.

Tell the people you love that you love them. Live every day with gratitude. Know that You are loved like that too. Regardless of your beliefs, the creator of the world loves you with an all-consuming Love too. That I know for sure.

Update

My dad wrote this update for family and friends tonight. I thought I would pass it along to all you amazing prayer warriors


...


Anjalesa is still fighting a courageous battle. She has been in the ICU for 12 days. She is still in DIC and requiring blood products because of the ongoing consumption of her clotting factors in her blood. With all the volume shifts related to the transfusions (and other factors), she is back on the ventilator and receiving sedative and analgesic medications. Her bone marrow biopsy returned but was not 100% diagnostic for a cause of her ailment. But the presumptive diagnosis is leukemia. Maybe a form of AML. Because of the severity of her illness and the uncertainty of her diagnosis, her doctors have recommended a transfer to a tertiary university center. So it looks like she will be transported to Barnes sometime in the next day or so.

We are hopeful that chemotherapy will result in resolution of the DIC soon, and a remission will follow.

Other than praying for her healing, there is little else that we need.