Sunday, January 15, 2012

Lessons from Mother Teresa

When I was in Haiti, I visited the Missionaries of Charity in Les Cayes.  This is one of many Missionaries of Charity locations throughout the world.

The Missionaries of Charity is "a Roman Catholic religious congregation established in 1950 by Mother Teresa of Calcutta, which consists of over 4,500 sisters and is active in 133 countries.  Members of the order designate their affiliation using the order's initials, "M.C." Members of the congregation must adhere to the vows of chastity, poverty and obedience, and the fourth vow, to give "wholehearted and Free service to the poorest of the poor." - That description is per Wikipedia.  They are better about being concise in definitions than am I.

Mother Teresa - photo from Wikipedia

This place is HOLY.  To describe it does not do justice, but I will try.  It is a really nice building in the middle of Les Cayes, which is not exactly a nice city.  It is U shaped, two floors, surrounding a small chapel where the sisters, workers and patients (if they choose) attend mass and pray. The purpose of this building is to care for the poorest of the poor.  What does this look like? Well, in this particular instance, there are over 100 severely handicapped children.  Parents in this part of the world generally do not have the resources to care for children such as these, as they can barely care for themselves, so they often drop them off for care and leave.  These children are as well cared for as possible, but of course there are many more children than there are sisters to care for them.  They provide physical, occupational and light therapy for these kids (among other things) and provide them with a life that they could have never had otherwise.  Downstairs, there is a hospice for dying adults (the room we visited was full of women, but there is a men's side as well).  Here, the poorest of the poor are afforded the right to die while being cared for and with respect for there humanity.  Other people come to the Missionaries of Charity who are sick with TB or AIDS or other diseases who are just too poor to get help elsewhere...and the sisters do what they can to help. There are no photos allowed in there, so you just have to use our imagination.

I expected this place to be sad, and to leave there drained and heartsick for the abandoned children.  But that was not my impression.  I was encouraged. If this place did not exist, where would these people be right now? Would their last days on earth be spent on the streets? In the slums?  What would become of these beautiful, handicapped children? I am just so thankful for Mother Teresa and her Call.

After that, I was just so thirsty to understand her.  I wanted to know how it was that a human could accomplish so much in an 80ish year life.  I had two main questions:  1. What made Mother Teresa so special? Aren't there many very holy people who walk this earth doing amazing things that we never hear the name of? 2. What was she really like? Did she ever feel overwhelmed by her mission, or feel like she couldn't ever do enough?

So, I read a biography of her, in fact I think it is the only authorized biography of her that has been published (meaning she said it was ok to write, and met with the author in the process).  It is by Kathryn Spink, and is probably the best book I have ever read. Maybe because I had just seen what I had just seen, maybe because it hits me at a time in my life that I need inspiration, maybe because it is just that good of a book.  Either way, I was very inspired and wanted to just share 3 things of the many that I gleaned from this book.

So, after a very long introduction, here are my 3 lessons:

I cannot use the "I'm not Mother Teresa" excuse to explain away why I am not making a marked difference in the life of the poor. Mother Teresa was not a created being any different from me.  All she did was the next thing in front of her to provide dignity and respect for the poor. 

In response to the idea that she was holier than other people, or that she deserved attention, she referred to herself as ordinary: "She knew that to enshrine Mother Teresa in Calcutta was potentially a means by which people could absolve themselves from their own immediate and daily responsibility.  Like sending a check from the comfort of an armchair, applauding the unattainable virtues of Mother Teresa was potentially a buffer against real personal commitment.  So it was that she was the principal exponent of her own weakness.  'Holiness,' she would insist when people acclaimed her as a living saint, 'is not the luxury of the few.  It is a simple duty for you and for me.' 'If there are poor in the world, it is because you and I don't give enough.'" - Quoted from Mother Teresa: An Authorized Biography by Kathryn Spink.


That is so convicting, right? How many times have I looked at a problem (homelessness, hunger) and thought it was too big a problem for me to handle, which somehow absolved me of any responsibility?  I will just say: a LOT.

Jesus meant what he said when he said "what you do for the least of these, my brothers, you do for me." If we are followers of Jesus, which I am, we should be seeing our Savior's eyes in the eyes of the poor. When Mother Teresa talks about the poor, she is not always talking about the economically poor, but also the struggling people in this world, whether they have money or not.  We are to think of them as Jesus, and to treat them as such.


When Mother Teresa was asked about the "secret to success" in her mission, "The 'success' as she saw it, was entirely dependent on the recognition of Christ in the poor and on spiritual values to which social work, very good and commendable though it might be, gave insufficient credence.  Mother Teresa's relationship with God was a very personal one. 'I have no imagination," she once acknowledged, 'I cannot imagine God the Father. All I can see is Jesus.' When she looked at the poor she saw Jesus in his distressing disguise' - Quoted from Mother Teresa: An Authorized Biography by Kathryn Spink.


If I could look at people and see them as Mother Teresa saw them, the suffering in them to be a reflection of Jesus' suffering, as people of great value, how different would my attitudes and actions be?

Serving may not seem responsible.  We are called to do things that sometimes don't make any sense.  We are called to help people who are in need, regardless of how they got there. 


This is difficult for me.  I tend to be judgmental.  If someone is poor, homeless, or out of a job as a direct result of their bad choices, I am much less likely to be compassionate than I would be if someone were homeless because their house got hit by a tornado, or lost their job because of an injury.  If someone was irresponsible and lost everything, I sometimes think "these are the consequences of their actions, they made their bed and should lie in it."  This is sort of an extreme stance, and I am more compassionate than I make myself sound...but the principle is true.  What is Mother Teresa's response to this?

"Her response was to seek immediate and practical ways to meet the need as she found it, rather than to condemn what might be seen as the causes of that need.  In doing so she paid little heed to considerations of personal safety or the kind of reasoning that pointed out the magnitude of the need in relation to the capacities of her growing but nonetheless small congregation...Had she ever stopped to 'reason' in terms that gave priority to the number, results, efficiency and the magnitude of an action, she would never have picked up the first dying person from the streets of Calcutta." -Quoted from Mother Teresa: An Authorized Biography by Kathryn Spink.


There are so many other things I could say about this woman, but I think I have made my point.  YOU and I are not so different from HER - I cannot hide behind the claim that "I am no Mother Teresa" as if that is some excuse to not do something.

Watch out...I am now reading the biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer.  That could be an interesting post...

Monday, January 2, 2012

Potty Party

Hunter is 3 years, 3 months old. I have been stressing about his potty training since he turned 2. I had it in my head that age 2 was the cutoff: he needed to be potty trained.

There are a couple problems with that:

1. I didn't have time or patience to devote to it - Benny was born when Hunter was 20 months old. Diapers are so easy.

2. He was uninterested. He has used the potty some, but never really cared that some of his friends were potty trained. Hunter is a very smart kid, speaking very well and understanding/explaining complex ideas. So I figured he would just decide for himself when it was time.

Well, I realized last week that this weekend would be my last long-stretch off work that I could devote to this task. We got 4 days off work, and Hunter appeared an eager pupil, so potty training became our main event of the weekend.

I read everything I could find on the subject, and nothing really seemed like it would work for him. So here is what I did.

Keep in mind that my normal mothering style is positive-based. I try (and fail more than I would like to admit) to only provide positive reinforcement. When my kids are doing what I don't want them to do, I try to suggest another alternative. The other thing is I am very very loving towards them, lots of "I love you's" and hugs, kisses and cuddles in our house. Hunter is very confident that I will snuggle him at any time and that I love him very much.

That being said: I took a very extreme approach to potty training. I told him on Friday morning, "ok, you are a big boy now, no more diapers unless it is nap time or bed time" and just put underwear on him. Then I made him go sit on the potty a lot. Pretty much every hour, sometimes more. We had LOTS of accidents! Every time there was an accident, I lowered my voice and made it clear that I was very disappointed: "remember you are a big boy? Big boys use the potty!" "I am soooo disappointed!" "that is disgusting, now I have to clean it up!" "next time you really need to use the potty"

But...when he went in the potty, I was clapping, yelling, calling everybody an letting him tell people on the phone, M&M's for everybody!!! We had several BIG parties. In between, I reminded him of how proud of him I am, and gave him lots of extra snuggles.

Day 1: we were about 50/50 hits and misses
Day 2: more like 75/25
Day 3: accident free
Day 4: that is today; we shall see

Anyway, I devised my potty plan based on the time I had allotted, my normal parenting style, but mostly based on Hunter's unique personality. If you are looking for advice from me, that is all I can give you: devise your own method based on those things...don't try to do something just because it worked for someone else.

The end, except not really...