Balance

Well, turns out I am not so much of a blogger. Not sure why, as I update my Facebook status with fervor. It does take a little more time to sit down and write a blog post, and I am not so good with managing my time. I used to say that I “didn’t have time” to do this or that (exercise, read a book, clean my house, update the old bloggity) but I have recently realized that I have plenty of time. I am busy, obviously, but the way I spend my time definitely shows my priorities.

Anywho, I just dropped in to update the old blog about the recent happenings in my life. Not sure if anyone cares, or anyone reads this, but I probably will go back and read it someday, so maybe this is just for me.

For my entire life, at least the parts I can recall, I have been a bit of an overachieving, busy-busy, perfectionist who leaves pretty much no free time in her schedule to just “be.” This is a choice I have made (unknowingly, of course) and over the past year has started to really drive me crazy. This sort of goes along with my first paragraph in that I was filling my life with lots of stuff, but not leaving time for what I really love to do. Believe it or not, I love to run…like really love it. Do I run regularly? Um…nope. I love to read, but do I read many books that I don’t “have to” for a bible study, book club, womens group? Um…not as many as I would like (although, I have gotten much better about this since I realized it 6 months ago). Do I spend time with my awesome kiddos? Well, yes, but I will confess that I spend some of the time with my kids not actually “there” mentally. Even when I want to be, I “can’t” because I feel pulled to something else.

So, in a short phrase “my life is all out of balance.” I realized this, with absolute certainty, sometime around Christmas-ish. I knew I had to re-order my life. This began some soul-searching time to decide what I want my priorities to be, and how to align my life with these priorities. What did I come up with?

Oh, just an aside, I say “I came up with” this, and “I realized” that, but that is not entirely honest. Great friends/confidants/the Lord…those are the ones who helped to shed the light on this stuff.

Back to my “thing,” I have decided to reduce my work schedule, working part time for most of the year (3 days per week). This starts June 1. It was a very difficult decision for me, and a lot to ask of my employer. The particulars of how this decision was reached, and how it all worked out, are worth a whole ‘nother explanation (one I don’t plan to publish on the internet, but if you want to talk about it in-person, just ask me).

So, anyway…starting ONE MONTH from TODAY, I am going to have a schedule that is more in line with my priorities. Dropping off my kids at preschool and daycare has NEVER been easy for me. You know that first day when you drop your newborn off at the day care and you cry the whole way to work? (I think that is probably common, and occurs in 74.62% of new moms – I made up that statistic on the spot, nice, right?) Well, I have that reaction, still. My kids are 3 ½ and almost 2. I mean, I don’t cry…I’m actually not much of a crier anyway…but I do have that sinking feeling when I drop them off that I would much rather just stay with them at the daycare. This is NOT a reflection on my job, which I do LOVE, it is a reflection on the weird tugging I have had on my heart to re-align stuff. I will still be dropping them off 3 days per week, but with the remaining 4 spent with my kiddos, I think some balance will be possible. Maybe I will “have more time” to read, blog, run, sleep, cook healthier meals? Not sure exactly how it will go, but the one thing I know for sure is that I will be spending more time with my adorable/amazing kids, which will be good for my entire family!

So…the countdown begins.