Mommy wars?

Ok, so I haven't blogged in a long time. Sometimes I feel like I don't have much to say,  and sometimes I feel like what I do have to say is better shared with people close to me, in person, rather than on a blog.

I had a thought today, though, that I think might be worth a discussion.

The mommy wars? Are they even really a thing? I think maybe they aren't even really a thing.

It could be just that I am surrounded by remarkable women in my life. A fantastic mix of women who run the gammit in life`s choices, and who honest-to-goodness are just doing the best they can and are of great encouragement to the women around them.

I mean, clearly, I'm blessed, because this describes all the women I know well.

A working mom might fantasize about staying in her pj's all day, or a SAHM has a recurring fantasy about getting up in the morning,  putting on some cute, professional clothing,  and leaving the poop/vomit/whining behind for a day. Maybe neither of these moms are actually judging the moms in another category...maybe moms are just doing a very human thing.

What if mothers everywhere,  stay at home, working,  part timers, mothers-to-be, grandmothers, hopeful mothers, whatever mothers....what if all those women are just trying to do the best they can and actually aren't judging the people around them when they imagine their own lives being different?

What if we just assumed that all other women are on our side? I think we would stop being defensive, and stop questioning our own choices (because I believe when we get offended by someone else's comment, it is because we are taking someone else's opinion personally).

Like...say you are a mother who breastfed her children and thought it was a great experience,  and you just want to encourage other mothers to try it too. Does that mean you are, by default, saying formula is poison?

What if, at the end of an exhausting day at home with toddlers, a SAHM flops on the couch and say "man, I really wish I could have my old job back" that means you think working mothers have it easier than you?

I have a fantastic job the allows me to work part time during the part of the year that my hubby travels,  and work lots and lots when he is home. It's awesome.

But...my job, while awesome, is very hard. Stressful, demanding, challenging, there are PEOPLE there that I have to deal with (you know how PEOPLE can be).  My kids,  while the absolute joy of my life, are whiny, demanding, loud, dirty (so so dirty), and have needs that are never satisfied...they need to eat, like multiple times a day, and they leave messes everywhere they go.

Yikes.

So sometimes I think it would be easier if...i had a nanny, or a housekeeper, or I didn't work at all outside the home, or my husband never traveled, or I worked less, or I worked more...etcetera etcetera.

You know what the root of that is? Does it sound like I am judging other moms who have it "easier than me?" It might sound that way, but I think the root of that is actually more like...

DISCONTENTMENT

All the mothers I know love their children and have nothing but love and respect for other women.

We all just get tired. And blessed beyond measure by our children. And maybe we, for a second,  think things would be easier if...<fill in the blank>

Nobody actually thinks that, right? When we are honest we all know we are doing the best we can.

I think the mommy wars only exist in the imaginations of mommies who aren't trusting their own intuition, and aren't confident enough in their own choices to allow others to say what they need to say, and not take it personally.

Mommy wars? Nah.

It's a battle, alright, but it's against a whole 'nother enemy.